The Talk
by Dildont
Summary: It's not how it used to be. We spend more days fighting than not, you spend nearly every waking hour hiding away in the lab, I'm pretty sure that if we didn't have Peter we wouldn't still me married and…when you tell me that you love me, I'm finding it harder and harder to believe. Superfamily. T for mentions of child abuse.


Tony, can we talk? –SR

Nothing serious, I promise. –SR

Sure, what's up? –TS

Well…I think Peter may have seen us "together" last night. –SR

I thought you said this was nothing serious. –TS

It isn't, really, just, you know, awkward –SR

He's a kid. They don't understand it yet –TS

He's a smart kid. And even though he doesn't understand it, it doesn't mean that he won't go to kindergarten and tell his friends about his "Daddies wrestling naked" –SR

That's what I'm afraid of. Should we talk to him? –TS

Well, I may have already gotten a call from his Teacher…But still, I think that's the best thing to do, though I have no idea what we're going to say –SR

We were having "special Daddy time" –TS

Oh my God –SR

It'll work for now, but I'll admit, I'm dreading the sex talk when he gets older. Can't he just stay a kid…? –SR

Maybe we can tell him we were training –TS

Well that's strait up lying –SR

I'm okay with that –TS

I'm not –SR

Why? –TS

We've been over this a thousand times. Lying only gets you into trouble in the end. –SR

Or it can prevent a really awkward conversation with your kid –TS

A conversation that we'll have to have someday. We'll pick him up from school together today. Maybe get some ice cream and talk –SR

Or we could just install locks on our door and lie through our teeth –TS

We aren't lying to our son. Though I do agree with the locks –SR

Why can't we? Everyone lies at some point –TS

No, Tony –SR

Why? –TS

Because if you do, no sex for two weeks –SR

Oh, that's a low blow –TS

Well it works –SR

Fine. What do we tell him? –TS

That what adults do in their rooms is private? And to _please_ knock? –SR

I guess. I still like lying –TS

I'll work on that later –SR

I lie all the time –TS

I lie to You, Fury, Peter… -TS

Which worries me to no end –SR

You realise that I hate that you do that, right? –SR

Lie? I know, but sometimes it's better to lie –TS

It's not exactly great for relationships –SR

We're not divorced –TS

Our marriage isn't exactly perfect either –SR

It's fantastic –TS

Not for me –SR

What do you mean? –TS

It's not how it used to be. We spend more days fighting than not, you spend nearly every waking hour hiding away in the lab, I'm pretty sure that if we didn't have Peter we wouldn't still me married and…when you tell me that you love me, I'm finding it harder and harder to believe. –SR

Jesus, Steve…Had no idea you felt like that. I'm in the living room, want to come up? –TS

Sure –SR

Steve set his phone down on the table and got up with a sigh. This wasn't the conversation he thought he'd be having today, but it needed to be had. So he made his way to the elevator and to the penthouse, walking to the living room and sitting across from Tony.

"Steve," he had no idea where to begin. He thought things were perfect between them; this piece of information was just a slap in the face. What if everyone had been right? What if America's golden boy really had just gotten sick of him and wanted out? Tony didn't think he could handle that. "I am so sorry." he said, feeling a lump in the back of his throat.

Steve sat back in the couch, crossing his arms as he tried to find the right words. "I—we have to…" he let out a frustrated sigh. "Tony, you know I love you, right?"

Tony nodded. "And I love you and Peter more than anything." The fact that Steve thought otherwise made him feel sick.

Steve returned the nod, absent-mindedly playing with the hem of his shirt. "And I want to believe you Tony, I really, really do but…most of the time, it just doesn't feel like you do."

Tony felt tears sting at his eyes "I don't know what to do."

"It'd be nice to see you aside from in bed or when you're hungry." Looking up, he saw the telltale look of distress and worry on his husband's face, so he pushed himself off the couch and rounded the coffee table to sit beside him, taking his hand in his own.

"I'd do anything in the world for you," Tony said, giving Steve's hand a small squeeze. "Please don't ever, ever forget that." He felt a tear fall from his eye. He hated looking weak, especially in front of Steve.

Leaning forward, Steve kissed the tear away. "Okay, but, you need to…no; we _both_ need to try a little harder. Relationships don't just stay wonderful on their own. It takes work." Steve rested his head on top of Tony's, cheek in his soft messy brown hair. "Like the lying, Tony. It's got to stop. I understand that there are little white lies that we all tell but it's the bigger things that are making a difference."

"I only do it because I don't want to hurt you." He said, feeling like the absolute worst husband in the universe. "I don't want you to know certain things about me." He didn't want to reveal what, but he would be truthful if asked.

"Tony" Steve said firmly, taking hold of Tony's shoulders and looking him in the eyes. "I love you. Every single bit of you, even if some bits tick me off now and then. And if there are things we need to work on, or something you need help with, you need to tell me. Alright Babe?"

Tony nodded. "Don't think for even a second that I don't love you." He couldn't even describe how much pain he was in. He'd defiantly take a malfunctioning arc reactor over this. "I would do anything for you." He said, locking eyes with Steve.

"Then tell me. Tell me everything." His hands went back to Tony's and he gripped them snugly while he waited for his husband to speak up.

"Where do I even stat?" Tony said, pulling Steve close so he could hold him.

Steve snuggled in, wrapping his arms around Tony and placing a kiss on top of his head. "Wherever you feel comfortable starting."

"I still have nightmares." He said. They didn't start up again until after they adopted Peter out of foster care. Before, they were mostly about things going wrong on missions but now they were about something happening to their son.

"About?" he questioned.

"Peter," Tony said. Nightmares that he would be taken away, that he would grow up to resent him just as much as Tony did with Howard, that someone would kidnap or kill him. The worrying never ended.

Steve nodded. He'd been woken up by Tony's nightmares before and it made sense now. "It's normal for a parent to worry about their kids, especially with a job like ours. Heck, I have nightmares about you and Peter all the time." He couldn't understand why Tony would hide something so small from him.

"I didn't want you to think I was weak." He said. Whenever he woke up he'd made some excuse about being thirsty or having to use the bathroom. "I'm not." He stated firmly.

He raised his eyebrows. "Weak? You? Tony, you are the farthest thing from weak. You put yourself in harm's way without hesitation to help others, you are an amazing Father, and honestly Tony, if I went through all the crap you did…I'm not sure I'd still be around. You aren't weak, tony. You're human."

Tony held Steve tighter, as if he was his security blanket. "I have nightmares about you leaving me too." He said, mouth going dry. That possibility seemed more than likely at this point. Steve didn't think he loved him, that wasn't exactly a good sign.

"That's the last thing I'd want to do. If I wanted to leave, I would have already. I love you and I want to be with you forever and then some." He gave Tony's head another kiss as he pulled him closer and onto his chest.

"I'm so afraid Steve," he started. "About a lot of things." He didn't want to share it all but he'd be lying if he said it didn't feel good to get it off his chest.

"What things, honey?" Steve was so glad tony was willing to get this all out in the open. Keeping things inside never boded well for anyone.

"That I'm a disappointment." Tony said. "To you, Dad, Peter, the entire team."

"How could we be disappointed in you? You've done so many great things, and you still are. Peter think you pretty much run the whole planet and do I need to remind you of how many villains you've stopped? Or when you saved the city, possibly the entire state? How could anybody in their right mind be disappointed in you?" Then there was Howard. Howard was always a tough subject with Tony. Steve knew him when he was much younger and a hell of a lot nicer. All Tony knew was the abusive drunk he became. "I know we disagree about your Father, but after how he treated you, I honestly don't think his opinion matters. With people like him, you could rule the world and they would still expect more. If he was ever disappointed in you, that's his own damned fault."

Tony wasn't sure if it was the sudden praise or the subject of his Dad, but tony had to fight in order to keep his emotions under control. "I just wanted to make him happy." He said "I followed him around, trying to me just like him. All I wanted was to hear him say that he was proud of me." He could remember graduating from MIT when he was a young man, only to be scolded for not completing his courses sooner. "How do you think I got that scar on my back?" He had said it was from an accident as a kid, hiding the fact that it was really the result of Howard having fat too much to drink and losing his temper. "I thought I was going to die."

Steve held Tony closer, if that was even possible at this point, and closed his eyes. He had a feeling it was something like that. "Tony…I never want you to blame yourself because he was a horrible parent again. Alright? Because there is no reason to ever treat anyone, especially your own child that way." He kissed Tony's wet cheek "It's not your fault Babe."

"I'm trying so hard not to do that with Peter." It was the main reason why he kicked the young boy out of the lab whenever he was angry. He didn't want to lash out. Peter didn't deserve that.

"Sure you've lost your temper at him, and so have I, but neglecting and abusing is on a completely different level."

"I know." Tony said, taking a hold of Steve's shirt. "I'll try harder, alright? To be a better husband. A better father."

Steve nodded and pecked Tony on the lips. "Just don't be too much of a better Father or Peter is going to try and make you fight his friend's Dads." He joked with a small smile, hoping to lighten the mood at least a little, before pulling Tony into another hug. "I love you tony. I love you so much and I'm really glad we had this talk…"

Tony wasn't so sure he could say the same. He felt like shit. He wanted to be more open with Steve but now he felt exposed and weak. And he didn't like that. "I love you too," he held Steve tight "I hope you believe me…"

"Tony, you just poured your heart out to me and trusted me with some of your biggest secrets. Of course I believe you. And I know it sucks to have someone know your secrets but that's what marriage is about. Trust. You know I would never use something like this against you, right?"

"I know." Steve had a huge heart; Tony didn't think for a second that he would just use this as ammunition. "It's just painful to talk about."

"I know…but it does you no good to keep it all inside, right?"

"It's why I drink." He was trying to stop, but he wasn't taking it very seriously.

"Well, maybe now that we're doing this whole sharing thing, that'll stop a little." Steve said, hopeful.

"I can't keep this up." He honestly didn't think he could keep it under control for much longer.

"You want to stop entirely then?"

Tony nodded. "For you and Peter."

"Alright. You know it's not going to be easy, right? But I'll help you through it." Steve pulled Tony up from the couch to give him a proper hug, inhaling his scent.

"I have to stop." He said "I've already stopped smoothing." That hadn't been easy either, but Steve managed to get him through that as well. "I'd like to be here a while."

"I'll hold you to that, then." He said, smiling into another kiss before his watch beeped. "Shoot, we have to pick Peter up."

"Oh yeah, we do, huh?" Tony said, drying his eyes. He looked awful and he knew it. Peter would know something was wrong.

Steve ran his thumb over the wet lines on Tony's cheeks and smiled at hum. "I love you Tony."

"I love you too." Tony kissed his husband in the cheek. "I'm alright." He assured trying to make himself feel better.

Steve got their coats from the closet and handed Tony his, while putting on his own. "So. Ice cream _and_ doughnuts then?"

That sounded perfect. "I'd like that."

"Then let's go." Steve said, placing yet another kiss on Tony's kips before wrapping his arm around his waist and walking to the elevator.


End file.
